An Excerpt

To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one,
not even an animal.
Wrap it up careful round with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket-- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- tt will change.
It will not be broken;
It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers... of love is Hell.

(CS Lewis, The Four Loves)

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wow what happened to 2010? went unbelievably quick. it wasnt a good year, twas the pits of my 27 years. 2 good things have come out of it though, I've matured and I've become a Christian. I know what I'm about now. A failed engagement sure dashes dreams, but ive never been more hopeful in my life.

Coming out of a codependent relationship, I really feel like this is my 2nd chance at life. Its beautiful. Im forever drafting bucket lists in bits of paper, doing more daring things, laughing and not caring about people seeing my tonsils, talking to people that matter most, restoring relationships. The Bible's quite a book to read. its so simple and relevant I should've read it sooner. thought id been a christian all my life, but i never picked up the old dusty bible from home. i was never ecouraged to where i went for sunday services.

job hunt

so finally my contract with the rest home's finishing. sad to be leaving maeroa, i'll definitely miss the nuts i work with over there, but i got to move on. have heaps of learning ahead of me, i need some hospital experience

so i have applied at middlemore's theatre. they rang me up the same day i sent them my cv. cool. but they wanted me to work for their medical ward first before i could get in the theatre. blah

so im trying waikato again. fudge. i never thought id try that dhb again after my que horror of clinicals last year, but this is the theatre, so itd be totally different. its been a week since i emailed my cv and i havent heard back, makes my tummy queasy thinking about it. geez talk about excited

so in the mean time i got a casual job with the bureau.

1st assignment was at an acute brain injury rehab place. 4 out of my 5 clients were under 30. 3 of them were my age. 2 of which have split their skulls in car accidents and havent got foreheads. 1 got assaulted on the streets. he's got his forehead but he's so messed up his speech bank's gone bankrupt

sad. on my way home i made sure to keep to the speed limit.